It was a peaceful departure, so silent it hurts.
At 1109hrs, I missed doctor's call, i called back but there was no reply. It was very unsettling. Reason being doctor had declared him critically ill days earlier as his bp fell to the range of 70s 80s and did not seem to be able to rise. However at 1130hrs, doctor called me back to say that he can be discharged the next day since the treatment was taking effect and they can change his antibiotics to be oral, basically there was 'nothing holding them back from discharging' him.
Half an hour later at 1205hrs, nurse called to say there was no chest rise when they went to change his diapers and ecg reading showed that his heart function was below 10% and we should really go see him. I triggered family to rush down from their workplaces/homes but doctor had declared his departure at 1219hrs before any of us reached his bedside. As expected from my gonggong, no patience. He left us in a recovered state. Ironic yet stangely comforting.
My grandpa had dementia in the last ~5years of his life. For a period of half a year or so, he would randomly pee in the garden but that could also be due to his reduced mobility and inpatience that he believe 'releasing' it in the garden was much faster than going to the toilet. However I can confirm that his occasional bouts of stripping in the garden was due to dementia. We were puzzled by those antics for a long period of time before he was diagnosed by chance that he had dementia and B12 deficiency. His health also deteroriated alot after he contracted covid in 2022, making him much more feeble and needed assistance in walking and bathing. There was this instance that he fell in the bathroom and dad had to find means to open the bathroom door from the lavatory beside.
My grandpa was not one with alot of words to start with but he became largely wordless and non-interactive due to the the various conditions mentioned and he was very hard of hearing in the later part. However he was always seated at the living room entrance. Despite sleeping most of the time, when i shout 'gonggong!', 'gonggong byebye!' everytime i leave the house or return home, he would open his eyes and smile at me.
My grandpa was very fit before his health took a turn in his 80s. He was the fastest walker. It was always challenging to match his pace literally and figuratively. Despite barely schooling, he was a super handyman. He designed solutions for our household issues. He was the epitome of efficiency. He was really good in chinese chess, so much that my dad and his childhood bff had never won him unless he let them win. He loves gardening, always spent his time squatting around in the garden. He rarely showed his love outrightly but he would always make sure we bought chicken thigh rice for my grandma when we did takeaways. When i was very young, there was this time that I was really sick, laying at the sofa and waiting to go see the doctor. My grandpa walked past, saw me and came to me. He started fanning me with the rattan fan. This scene never left my memory.
My grandpa left china for hk with his mom, then to singapore to depend on his elder sister alone when he was barely 10. It was the turmoil time of ww2 where japanese soldiers were dlaughtering people on sight in hainan. Thus my great grandmother was finding all means to get her kids out of china. His family was living separately but communication between them (his mom in hainan, father in australia and them in singapore) never stopped and it kept them 'together'. My grandpa went back to hainan in his early twenties to seek for a bride (as instructed by my great grandma) and thus my grandma came into the picture via matchmaking. They had only seen each other once before marriage. The couple was extremely frugal and my grandpa always surrendered all his earnings to his wife to keep the family going. He was also blessed with many people who helped him along the way but my grandpa was an admirable figure himself. He never strayed and stay true to his course. Grandma always say he was a good man.
Due to his worsening diabetic condition in the last 6 months, we had to conduct blood test and gave him the insulin jab every day. He hated the jab especially, always resisted them and his face always scrunched in pain. It always hurts me how i am hurting him everyday but I wanted my grandpa to be well with us. Every night, my heart breaks. I wish i could suffer for him but all i could do was to thank him every night for enduring the pain.
I dont know since when i became stronger than my grandpa such that i could force him on stuff that he rejected. He was physically helpless and i hated the times i needed to exploit that.
If it was by choice, I believe in my grandpa's decision when he decided to leave us at this instant. If not by choice, 公公， 我知道你已经尽力想留在我们身了。When i looked into your eyes and tears welled up in my eyes uncontrollaby, i see your tears and helplessness too. You repeated '应付不来', i didnt think much then but thinking back, you might have had premonition already. This time, we are both helpless.
I choose to believe my last '晚安' from the previous night reached you although u did not open your eyes.
During funeral, baby avelyn suddenly looked at our family portrait and told her mom 'dou dou say byebye'. No one's eyes were dry upon hearing that. The little always brought smiles to her dou dou when she visited. Dou Dou would also smile at her pictures all the time. The little imp would randomly walk to where dou dou was ti check-in on her doudou when she came. She was definitely dou dou's favourite till the very end.
公公，谢谢你的坚定， 你的无私。 我们都非常爱你也很思念你。我们会再相逢的。公公你要过得好好的，你好我们就好。婆婆还有我们，你别牵挂。你给我们的记忆是永恒的。我们并没有结束。
