Everytime my aunt asked him, who was lying on his bed, "ja mo ti niang lai gai (who is this)?" He would peek opened his eyes and reply loudly " 老二!" with near-zero misses.
If i were eating fruits in the living room, he would shout "老二!" from his room for me to go look for him. Then he would asked me to pull him up to sitting position. asked me to "zeh (sit)" on the wooden chair beside his bed and start asking me questions like "老二 gian yi wai doui wae liao (how old am i this year)? "老二 jia gai gwe wu han ngou sai nian bo? (do i earn 5000 a month)" I would say no but close, and he would nod in approval. He would go ahead to say that it is is extremely important for 1 to save. He would tell me he used to save 50cents everyday and i would laugh and tell him that saving 50cents a day would not be good enough for me.
He always said "老二di wai gong gai nui hiang nang!! (老二是外公的女强人)" and he always tell people that. I would just laugh out awkwardly and give my siblings a smug look. Then he would always tell me "mai kiao wai gong tiet bang..(不要让外公失望") he was always so proud that i am a "nam yo dua oh (ntu) graduate". In his perspective, it was the best school one could get in.
He always told me how a teacher from his young days took a look at his work and commented "前途无量" on it. How he graduates from "社会大学" by learning as he progressed in life. How the daughter of the boss of the coffee shop where he worked in, liked him. And how he did not recipocrate that feeling. How this lady "bo jian (阿真)" from his kampong used to tell people "changi tab gou du bo bat 老杨 jiu dui su hoi! (If you don't know 老杨 in changi street 10, u can jolly well go home and sleep". He was such a well-known hawker back in those days where all my mom's cousins would drop by his stall after school for free meals everyday. He was so generous that there is nothing u can find fault with him.
When i was in primary and secondary school, mom would often bring me to bedok central hawker centre after school to meet him. He would be surrounded by his friends as usual while they made way for us. He would always order curry fish head for us to share. Although his mobility became more and more challenged, he still slowly made his way to bedok to meet up with friends everyday. Finally after numerous falls, he only hang out at the void deck and finally home-ridden.
Such strong carefree mental state being held back by his weak limbs was like a bird stucked in a cage. He always looked forward to our weekly visits when we would always bounce into his room and shout "外公!" While switching on the lights to let him see us. Always asked dad "no gai lao gai neh lang bo? (are the 2 elderly at home doing good)" dad will always give the same answer "jiao jiao la (the same).
He is the only one who always think so highly of me, and one who had so much faith in me. Always believing in me. Secretly telling me his wants. His yearning for mineral water, packet milo, toy musical instrument to add some music into his life and his ultimate request of me was to get him a counter bell. All because he trusted that i would get it done.
When i don't get to drive after getting my driving license, he always gallantly said "外公boi xia giao du dai! (外公买车给你驾)". I would always say "bo jiong lah, xie di ham ga gi boi gai (不用啦,车是要自己买的)".
Everytime after i bade farewell and was already waiting outside the house waiting for the rest to exit, he would say "老二bo lai ar? (老二没有来啊?)". Upon hearing my aunt tell him that i did come, i would take off my footware and re-enter the house, go to his room and say "外公, nong di lao er lah! (我是老二啦!). Then i would say my byebye again. But the last time i saw him, he was so lethargic that i couldn't bear waking him up, thinking i would come visit him the following week. That was my last time seeing my 外公 sleeping peacefully on that bed.
By the time i rushed to his bedside on that day, he had already left us behind. I sobbed so uncontrollably that my sis and aunt gotta pull away from his bedside to prevent my tears from dripping onto him. I held his hands so tightly, trying my best to remember the last of his body warmth and his warm touch. A piece of my heart went missing from that day. I keep asking myself did i do enough for him? convincing myself that he left us peacefully in his desired location and method. Telling myself that my awesome man is now liberated and can finally be on his feet going to the places he wants to go and reuniting with my 外婆 in another great place, waiting for us to go look for them in the future. I am extremely comforted by this thought but my heart still aches so badly. I miss him so dearly. I do not wish for time to interfere with some healing nonsense as i never want to be relieved of this longing for him. The thought that i will gradually stop missing him really scares me.
But if he's well and happy, i will be strong for him.
外公谢谢你。 外公对不起。 外公我好想你。你一定要过得好好的。外公再见
